The author examines claims made some years ago by Green (1995), but still referenced today by others, that the theoretical and clinical emphasis given by British Object Relations theorists – Balint, Fairbairn, Winnicott and especially Klein – to the pregenital dimension of the mother–infant relationship has reduced the importance of sexuality in psychoanalysis resulting in a desexualization of classical theory and practice. The author notes that, except for Parsons (2000) and Litowitz (2002), these charges have gone unchallenged and he wishes to contribute to this ‘debate’ by presenting a Kleinian theory of sexuality. Meltzer's (1973) book Sexual States of Mind will be used as a primer for such a theory since the explicit goal of this text is a structural revision of psychoanalytic sexual theory from an Object Relations perspective. Through Meltzer's concept of ‘sexual states of mind’, and his sub‐theory of ‘aesthetic reciprocity’ as a theory of primal seduction, the author will demonstrate how the diverse features of infantile and adult sexuality are given a very detailed, comprehensive understanding within an Object Relations paradigm. In fact, if there has been a turning away from sexuality in psychoanalysis, as Green and others contend, it is not because of Object Relations theory but because of the great complexity brought to our understanding of sexuality by Object Relations paradigms. The author presents this paper as a tribute to Donald Meltzer who died in August 2004.